Movie Review: Conan the Barbarian (2011)

Synopsis: The tale of Conan the Cimmerian and his adventures across the continent of Hyboria on a quest to avenge the murder of his father and the slaughter of his village. Source


Plot: Everyone knows about the original Conan the Barbarian (1982) that had Arnold Schwarzenegger, right? Well... Honestly, I've never seen it (I know... bad me.. /depression corner..), but I'm grading this movie solely as a movie on its own. Regardless of the fact that this was a remake, I'm treating as its own.
With that said, let's begin! This movie was... interesting? The plot was fairly easy to follow. It began with the origins of Conan and following into the story line of Conan seeking vengeance for the death of his Father and his tribe. Tainted by the fact that his first victim was his Mother, there was never any... relations to the fact that his Mother had died to give birth to him, yet is there any back plot of resent from the Father? Was this typical during that [possible] time frame? Maybe. Maybe not. Anyways, back to the point, the movie was easy to follow, and even with a potty break near the beginning, I followed it quite easily.
Somewhat, spectators might get confused by the fast-paced story because sometimes things just... happened? For the lack of a better word. I was not impressed by the plot, and a lot of things seemed a bit cliched. Eh...


Characters:
Jason Momoa (Conan): To begin, the viciousness of his eyes! Wow. He really had the look of a killer and a barbarian. It was nice to see his facial expressions, and he did fit the image of Conan: a ruthless, vengeful killer, who was hellbent on killing a man. Jason Momoa isn't really a name I've heard of, but he is seen in the 2011 TV series, Game of Thrones (playing Khal Drogo). He is featured in a few other TV series before, but hopefully, we can see him in some more movies. This man's facial expressions and viciousness that glinted in his eyes brought something... interesting to the table.
Stephan Lang (Khalar Zym): Playing the main antagonist, I just.. didn't feel the hatred or emotions of power. If anything, all I felt from his man was the sadness in his eyes when he would mention his wife. That was about it. He was dressed and looked the part of the antagonist, but honestly, I didn't feel threatened by him. Not one bit. I felt more scared of him in 2009's James Cameron's Avatar, when he played Colonel Miles Quaritch.

Rachel Nichols (Tamara): Playing the obvious "damsel-supposedly-in-distress-but-can-really-kick-butt-sometimes," Rachel Nichols is also featured in the currently running TV series, Criminal Minds (playing Ashley Seaver) and also seen in 2009's G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra (playing Scarlett). She was... alright? I mean, she was very tough and reckless (like any other woman in this kind of movie), but she just didn't have a lot of depth. She was a huge pile of baggage for the main character, Conan, but she just didn't impress me. There was a naughty scene between Tamara and Conan, but the "romance" never actually lasted. OMGSPOILERSPOILERSPOILER Hedoesn'tevenstaywithher OMGENDOFSPOILERSPOILEREND I honestly didn't like her character. BE A WOMAN! KICK MORE BUTT! FIGHT!!! Gah!...

Poster: I actually liked the poster. It is very interesting and unique. The words from the movie that both "Fire and Ice are important" resonates with the poster, yet if you didn't even see the movie, saw the poster, and didn't even think as deeply as I did, then it might seem just interesting. It includes the three main characters, Conan, Khalar Zym, and Tamara. As another supporting character, it includes the Witch.


Overall: I give this movie a 2/4 polishes. Sorry Conan the Barbarian fans, but this movie just didn't flow right with me. It seemed too crushed together, and honestly, I'd feel a bit embarrassed if I was part of the original COB cast from 1982. I know I am grading this movie as its own, as if there was no "original" to begin with. Yet, I find myself somewhat not enjoying this movie one bit. Maybe because I put a high expectation for it since the trailer made it look so cool? There was action, but it just didn't seem too real. It all made it glorify the fact that Conan is supposed to look "bad-arse!" or whatever young audiences are looking at. So... Sorry y'all...

Inked with Brilliance and Love,

Sara

P.S. I apologize for not writing up more reviews!! :( I love you all!